Peace of mind. Eludes us all, but few pursue it always. Maybe I should not lose myself in the process but then again what more could I wish for? It is true that with this single question; my mind starts arguing that it is silly to let such thoughts to cloud my reasoning and yes, I wouldn’t mind having that car or having that boy as my life partner or living in that house but no that’s not all. Aren’t all of these yet again means to be happy and achieving peace of mind?
I begin to wonder; am I really searching for it or am I just fooling myself in believing so? How do I define it? Is it the feeling when you see a loved one after a long time, so long that you feel you are meeting him/her first time all over again? Or is it when you see that smile on your child’s face when you bring something for them from the market or when your dog drives himself crazy when you come home from a holiday? I am not quite sure.
The feelings that emanate here are more real and less passive. They may alleviate my heart beat or generate this warm fuzzy feeling within me, but they are relative to how a second person feels or makes me feel.
Or is it that feeling when I am home, as in, at home in my mind. And then in those lazy afternoons, when everyone retires for the afternoon siesta, my mind starts to wander, makes me feel creative and wanting me to do something purposefully. It could be something really simple like watching a movie I downloaded a year back but felt I never had the time to watch it. Or maybe just reading that novel that I bought a month back and I see it kept on my bed side table every day with a feeling of guilt and wish to read it one day. Or when I decide on finally writing that blog I wanted to and kept procrastinating until now.
I feel in these moments; precious as they seem stolen from the rest of the day; when I am with myself as in really with just me, I get closer to what I am really feeling. Although this feeling is something that may not remain with me all the time, the clarity that I feel makes me feel lighter and calmer somehow. Herein, I feel a short episode of that ever evasive peace of mind that really just makes me smile, not only on the outside but within too.