Can you find something if you are looking for it in the wrong place itself? Searching for a way to feel alive; earnestly waiting for that moment, having expectations in life; from others as well as from ourselves and then feeling disappointed when they are not met. Firstly do we really need someone else to find ourselves? Do I even know what I want? Who is this ‘I’? It’s time to look for an answer.
The consciousness as Eckhart Tolle puts it; was always there. It was waiting to be noticed; but I could not see it nor feel it. I feel it now. It had been sitting there quietly, looking up sometimes; sensing that maybe I have come to search for it. It is time to look within. To find something that was never lost; that which was not visible to me. It is a part of you yet it seems distant. It seems distant when you are lost in the thoughts manifested by your mind. At least I now know the right direction where to look for it. There is nothing out there in the outside world that is more than what you are made of. You are life, you are awareness, the incredible consciousness, you are a world in itself, a complete one that is.
You just have to find yourself. Not outside, but inside you. It is all there. You can feel it and sense it. Our memory fails us and we forget this simple fundamental and yet again embark on this vain journey to search for ourselves in what we can see from our eyes and outside through the physical worldly experiences and interactions. For some time we may even feel that we have found ourselves; but nothing that happens in the physical world is permanent. When such a moment arises; we lose this anchor that we have latched ourselves to; and it seems to us that we have lost ourselves. If you are still alive then how could you have lost yourself? If something belongs to you and is a part of you, can it really be separated from you?
So here lies the simple reasoning. If something has a possibility of getting separated from you; it never was a part of you or in other words you hadn’t really found yourself but were in the illusion that you are only complete now. In fact, the only thing that will remain with you through all your dreams, your illusions and physical experiences may it be pleasant or traumatic; will be your consciousness. The only thing that you cannot lose is your consciousness and it does not reside in some other human being or animal or an inanimate object, but within you. Search for it; but not in others. Realise this yourself and you will know it to be true.
Only when you have given up all hope and feel utterly lost, something stirs inside, a faint movement that went unnoticed before. That is the time when you stop reflecting or planning or judging but start feeling and understanding to what is occurring right now. You sense the ‘I’, your true self. In such moments, your memory comes back to you and you don’t feel dissatisfied or hurt anymore. It is as if a gift was kept unwrapped on your bed, but you just did not notice it. Although you crossed it so many times; you kept looking in your neighbours’ homes. With this understanding your heart starts beating a little faster and a strange warm feeling emanates from within and flows in your body. These emotions gradually fade, leaving behind the only thing that remains untouched; the consciousness.